Are you holding yourself back from deep intimacy?


Can you delve deep into an intimate relationship? I’m talking about real intimacy. Totally open hearted, soul bared, every part of you vulnerable, open and trusting. Think for a moment, about what that might feel like, how does it sit with you? Where do you feel it in your body?

Of course the notion conjures different responses in everyone. When we think and feel deeply into the possibility of that type of openness, it can be very confronting, and even scary. What if I get hurt? What if I bare every part of my vulnerability and it goes wrong, or worse, I get rejected? 

You may even get a sense of panic, and feel the need to shut part of yourself off from intimacy it in some way, just save a little part for yourself, to keep it safe so that just in case it all goes bad.

So we create these energetic walls to protect ourselves from the possibility of hurt. Some of us create fortresses that are so strong no one is getting in. We think of all sort of reasons why a certain person doesn’t qualify for your love, no one could ever be good enough. Or we might also lean towards and be attracted to relationships that are in some way doomed from the start so there is no possibility of deep lasting intimacy (i.e. they are otherwise involved etc). Or even more tricky ground to traverse we, are already in a relationship, and full feel it’s reached it’s full depth, or maybe even expired long ago, but you hold onto it out of fear, habit or the worry of the consequences to your life if the relationship ended. Maybe if it did end,  you might actually have the opportunity to enter a deep, open true intimate relationship.

So how do you step bravely forward, with your energetic heart open?

Well, it can take a committed intention and somewhat of a paradigm shift, especially if you have a history of past hurts, either in childhood or from lovers past. Know that your soul is divinely protected, it is safe. When you open your heart and give love, it creates a vacuum that the universe will be fill right back up for you with love.  It is safe to be open. Set your intention to open up to love and fearless intimacy. Be conscious of your thoughts and actions, and see where you are creating barriers to protect yourself.

Know also that in opening yourself up to others you will not “loose yourself” you can never be lost if you are connected to your centre. You can still be in your centre while opening your self and your heart to others. In fact it’s when you are fully focussed on the emotions and connection to self that you are safely held and supported, and able to come to a meeting of souls with your partner. If you do the work or have practices to keep you connected to your own soul in whatever form that may take (deep self care, meditation, yoga, kinesiology) you can come to your relationships with a fuller cup and no expectation for your partner to fill it (but that’s for another post). By deeply connecting with our own emotions and feelings we can then get closer to others. Ancient Tantric practices, inform us that when we are connected to the emotions and sensations within our own body and experience, we can find deep natural life force union with your special other.  There are so many tools and teachings available to us in this area, this ancient wisdom is available to us for those wanting to explore it.

I’d love to hear from you. What are some ways you have found to help you open up to a deeper intimacy? How has that played out for you?